Amaze Your Friends! Terrify Your Enemies!

In addition to stories about Superman throwing shirtless men around and hiding under your bed, DC's recent Superman Chronicles also features a three-part series that ran in the original books on how to acquire Clark Kent's fantastic super-powers for yourself.

So tonight, as a public service to the readers of the ISB, I bring you this triptych, in the knowledge that you will use your new-found superpowers for awesome. They may seem a little odd, but once you realize that they were probably written by Jerry Siegel, the man responsible for Matter-Eater Lad and last night's other shenanigans, that's to be expected.

I'm seriously considering having "Be Moderate In Your Exertions" tattooed across my stomach in gothic font like Tupac's "Thug Life." It just speaks to me.

Seriously? If making a fist and jerking it back and forth gave you super-strength, I'd be the frigg'n Hulk by now.

WARNING: Attempting to develop your X-Ray Vision Power using a telephone pole and a pencil may result in rapid and grotesque hair loss.